My husband, Stephen, is a therapist, which means our home has it’s fair share of feelings-nerd paraphernalia. Last Christmas, one of his colleagues gave him a ceramic coaster that featured the Feelings Wheel, and I LOVE IT. (Please note, I am NOT a therapist. I just think this stuff is cool.)
The Feelings Wheel was created by Dr. Gloria Wilcox in 1982 (and she doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. What’s up with that?) One can use the feelings wheel to help them identify and name their feelings, a thing we can all use some help with from time to time. Dr. Wilcox’s original version is available on the Gottman Institute’s website.
Over the years, members of the mental health community have created more modern adaptations of the tool to better help people hone in on their feelings. (They reinvented the wheel!) I particularly like this version. I would love to properly cite the creator, but I’m not honestly sure who it is. Someone named Lily maintains the website and accepts donations to keep it running. Regardless of who created it, it’s hella detailed and can be rotated.
Just think about all of the phrases that have come and gone in the carousel that is the popular lexicon to help people avoid naming their feelings: “I’m feeling some kind of way.” “I’m in my feels.” “I’ve got all the feels.” “That feeling when…” “I’m having mixed feelings.” There are a lot!
We would all understand ourselves and each other a lot better if we talked about how we are feeling, but that’s uncomfortable and/or difficult for some of us. Naming one’s feelings exists at the intersection of mindful self-reflection and vocabulary, which are really two things that each require their own discrete skill sets.
The wheel is a the perfect tool for the job because it helps you strengthen both muscles: It offers guidance to help you zero in on the nuances of your feelings, and it gives you some of the words you may need to articulate those feelings to others (or even just yourself).
Maybe you feel “bad,” and then you locate the word “bad” at the center of the wheel. It gives you a few options: By “bad,” do you mean you feel bored or busy? Perhaps you feel stressed or tired? After a bit of reflection, you decide that “bad” means “stressed.” The wheel suggests that you continue reflecting: Would you describe “stressed” as feeling out of control or perhaps as feeling overwhelmed? “Overwhelmed!” you cry, “Thank you Feelings Wheel! I understand myself better and can make choices that reflect my needs.”
I love this tool because it encourages self-reflection at its most basic level. I believe one of the healthiest things in the world is to ponder who we are and attempt to understand ourselves. There is no shortage of big questions (sex, gender, religion, core values, communication style, on and on and on) that require us to look at our lives in larger contexts, but we have to start somewhere! It’s awesome to reflect on the climate of your own person, but let’s just start by understanding today’s weather.
A Few More Treasures for the Road
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This past weekend, at The Chicago Comics and Entertainment Expo (C2E2), a fantasy cosplayer asked my friend and I if we would like “a point of wisdom.” When we said yes, she gave us each a teeny tiny handwritten scroll. Both points of wisdom where extremely good and qualify as treasures for the road, in my opinion:
“‘Dreamt’ is the only word in the English language that ends in ‘mt’.”
“An everything bagel actually contains less than 1% of everything.”
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I simply must share with you the most bizarre fruit-related occurrence of my week: Bean asked me for a banana a few days ago, and when I grabbed and peeled one… to my revulsion… it was perfectly straight. I can’t begin to imagine what otherworldly horrors must have happened to my caveman ancestors to prepare me for that moment, but my brain received a warning flare from the Uncanny Valley. This banana is not ok. Please, see for yourself.
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Thanks, gang! Until we meet again!
First of all, I created an emotion wheel of sorts, but I’ll have to text you the picture. Mine is much more crude as you will see. I call mine Coco’s Feel-O-Meter™️🤓
Also, your banana story made me laugh so hard!!!😂🍌
(Comment to be read in Alex Eichen impersonating Hunter S Thompson voice. The one he did when drunk on Rumple Minze.)
Jesus Christ, man! Put that god damn Banana away!!! What an unholy abomination of fruit!!! Why did you leave this as the last thing we’d see?!? Don’t you KNOW that I read this before BEDTIME?!?!?